Yesterday, my grandmother died. I received a call from my sister. She was crying. At first, I was not able to understand what she was saying because all i hear were sobs. Then it came to me, what she was saying was, lola was pronounced dead just 15 mins prior to her call.
Honestly, I was not surprised. As what I said, the one certain thing that i know in life is that death is just around each one's corner. The fact that lola had been suffering for about a week with her sickness, her old age, I had already a foresight that she will expire anytime soon. I was at the ER department that time. It was 4:00 PM. Patients were clamoring along the corridors of the hospital-- it was a toxic afternoon... then i got the call.
Few seconds after i ended the call, i slowed down. I didn't know what to feel. I equipped myself with strength and prepared myself for her death that my feelings were obscured. I continued my work. I got three more patients to admit, three more patients to hear their own illness stories. I pretended to be strong when in fact, i was deeply confused of what to feel.
Endorsements came, SGD followed. I still tried to remain focused. I have not told anyone of what happened to my loving lola. I kept myself busy so as not to think about what just had happened. My ER duty rotation for that day ended and I needed to go home.
I was at the foyer of the hospital, waiting for a cab. Now, thinking of what really happened. Now, the thought of my lola just passing away slowly overwhelmed me. I got a cab, we stopped at a stop light. I saw the lights. Red, Yellow... green. Tears fell from my eyes.
I couldn't help but cry. I cried for the loss of my one and only lola. My lola who has been forever-ly supportive of my life. She was the gospel of my books. She's one of my inspirations. Now, she's gone.
I'm not sad because she passed away or that I'll never see her again. I'm sad because i wasn't there and i wasn't able to say my goodbyes... or ever said to her that i love her.
You will always be in my heart lola and that everything that you said to me, i will not forget. I will do my best in everything that i'll do. I promise. I love you so much po.
Rest in peace my dear lola. Good bye.
