Free Fall

I completely and wholeheartedly believe in my capabilities, talents, and individuality... that's why i continuously dream, hope, and wish BIG TIME. However, whenever I don't get what I dream of, I succumb in pity blaming everything to myself.

I have been raised as an individual who thinks positively of life. I was given all needed support in order to get what i want. I was nurtured by my parents to become the best that i could be or at least think the best that i can be. These things are some reasons why i set limitless borders in terms of my journey towards my Disneyland.

I set skyrocketing targets in life. I wish to be the best in all aspects; i aim to be perfect; i aim to be on top. That's who I am. But how I wish, i could best all these.

When I was in High School, I did nothing to be on top of my whole batch. I go home, i do my homework. No extra effort. Just like any classroom kid. I got the top spot without dirt on my hands. That was when I started to boast silently  that hey, I'm the best out of these 300++ students. That's part of my bragging rights before, I claimed. I was labeled as intelligent, talented, and "distinctly one of the best". Such a nice feeling.

College came. Still with my usual get-up... not studying, not listening during lectures, not making extra efforts.  Beautiful thing was, despite my "katamaran", i always end up *scratching my head* in the deans list; mind you that was 1st to 4th year. At the end of 4th year, I wished to finish with merits i.e. cumlaude but wasn't able to reach the needed grade. I lacked 1 point. I got disappointed in myself but was able to move on after a while.

Now, med school came. When I met my classmates for the first time (that was when I was in first year, of course), I got intimidated, honestly. From a simple student from the province (well actually not a province but away from MM) now entering the big university of Ateneo (sorry, THE Ateneo), what would you expect? CULTURE SHOCK.  I was so intimidated that I labeled myself as stupid and incompetent. However, there's still that slight pride in me that says, hey, you can do it! YOU CAN BEAT THEM (yes, i'm a competitive person)! But yeah, i tagged along eventually. Time passed and then i realized, Im not doing good in Med School. Least that I asked myself was to be with the creme de la creme-- the top 10. But I always fail. However, being that person that I am, i still continue to believe in myself. The irony of rationalizing. (Honestly, i get hurt, irritated, and frustrated)  

Well  I guess, there's nothing wrong with setting skyrocketing standards... its just that... you have to prepare yourself for the big drop when something weird happens along the path. And another thing, i guess, one must take it with a free fall feel.