Today, I lost everything that I had. It could have been easier that I’ve lost all my material possessions in life than me losing this—the person who gives me life.
Today is our anniversary, our 6th anniversary. I was studying in my unit. I told her that I won’t make things possible for this day because I need to cram for tomorrow’s exam. Well, she surprised me.
I heard a knock on my door. First, I ignored it. The second time I heard the knocking, I stood up. I looked into the pin hole and saw no one. I opened the door and there, I found her. She brought dinner for me.
Yes, I was surprised that she was there but I’m the bastard who doesn’t appreciate surprises. She brought dinner for the both of us. She had a liter of coke on her left hand and a yellow cab pizza with a brown bag on the other hand. She entered the room. I did nothing.
I kissed her. She kissed back. She was still the same—same sweet perfume, those beautiful eyes. She walked inside. I took the seat of my table. She sat on my bed. I did nothing.
I opened the last three pages of one of my readings. I studied without acknowledging her being there. She stood up, said something like: “it’s hot”. I smiled at her then returned my glance to what I was reading.
She walked near the balcony of my windows. I glanced at her. She pulled her black straight hair up. She was searching for a breeze of air. There was none. I ignored her.
As I finished what I was reading, I called her. “Baby!” I screamed. There was no response. She was still looking outside my opened window. I called her twice, no answer. I stood up, came closer to her and asked: What’s the matter? “Nothing”--a soft wimping sound broke. I took a look at her. She was crying.
I’m no good when I see people cry. She knows this. So I sat down, back to my table. I tried to do something. I panicked. I got my stash of cigarettes, went to the bathroom, turned on the ventilator, turned on the faucets and the shower. I stayed there for about 15 minutes. I lit a cigarette as I calmly hear the rustling of the flowing water.
I went out. I asked her, now sitting on my bed, “What’s the matter?” She replied in a soft tone: “I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from you” I frowned and felt a lot more uneasy.
I took a sit. I tried to mutter a word but nothing came out. “I just want to surprise you” she said. Still, no words came out from me. She stood up. She grabbed her bag, pulled a book and left the book right in front of my nose—The 48 Laws of Power, my favorite book. She left.
Now, I’m fucking angry at myself. I hate the whole of me. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this kind of person anymore. L
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