Solitude

The past few months were complicated. My journey has been tainted with blood-- battle wounds and scars. For the past few months, I've been unconsciously containing my feelings and emotions. I have been unintentionally blocking my frontal lobe to feel pain, happiness, and shame. 

Lola died a few months ago. Just yesterday, one of my uncles died and before that, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with liver metastasis. All these passed without me feeling the deep emotional thing that usual people feel when they are faced with these circumstances. 

I am confused. I'm confused with the fact that I draw positive things from these "painful" situations. I'm afraid that I have converted myself into an apathetic person. I am afraid that I might care less in more sad yet relevant life situations. I am afraid of being the person that I don't like. 

I am afraid. I am confused. I am human. I am in solitude.